[00:00:00] Grief really is, it's a version of the joy that you had for that brifling in your life. I mean, and that, so that to me, I mean, sometimes it's clear with, I mean, obviously the more difficult people in your life, it's harder to remember that.
[00:00:12] I'm Lonnie Love, comedian, actress, and Emmy Award winning talk show host.
[00:00:21] And I'm Erica Montolfo, writer, showrunner, and most importantly, Lonnie's super fun sidekick.
[00:00:28] That's right, Erica. And thank you all for joining us for another episode. We've got a fun one today or a serious one, but it's filled with heart.
[00:00:37] For our Grown-Ass topic today, we'll be talking with Kate Flannery about the process of grief or processing grief.
[00:00:46] But before we dive in, we want to give a shout out to our listeners who have been sending us emails, recordings.
[00:00:51] We love hearing from all of you all. If you want to share your thoughts on the show or tell us what's on your mind,
[00:00:57] send us a voice note. Yeah, you just talk right into your phone and send it to us at gawtpod at gmail.com or record a voice message on our website.
[00:01:08] Yeah, we got technology at gawtpod.com. And if you're listening to us on your phone, please follow us on Instagram or you can watch us on YouTube.
[00:01:20] You can see our lovely faces. And if you do it on YouTube, please subscribe and tell your friends.
[00:01:25] And finally, guys, we have a special request for all our Grown-Ass listeners. We're on a mission to reach 1,000 YouTube subscribers.
[00:01:33] So help us out by subscribing to our channel and sharing our video with your friends.
[00:01:37] Now that we've done all the housekeeping, Erica, what's on your mind?
[00:01:41] Well, you know it's my birthday week.
[00:01:44] Yes, happy birthday.
[00:01:46] Thank you. It's tomorrow. Meanwhile, my parents call me this morning and they're like,
[00:01:49] happy birthday. I'm like, guys, my birthday is tomorrow. They totally lost track of when my birthday is.
[00:01:56] They're like, well, at least we knew it's this week. But anyway, I'm just kind of like going through, you know, the nines.
[00:02:01] I call it the nines.
[00:02:03] Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:05] Because when you're like, you know, like when you're the nine, like I was 29.
[00:02:08] I was worried about turning 30. When you're 39, you're worried about turning 40.
[00:02:12] Now that I'm the next nine, it's the next big O.
[00:02:16] The end of the decade, dear. The end of the decade.
[00:02:19] It is, darling. And it's so, you know, I think you're just anticipating like, you know, what that next decade is going to be.
[00:02:26] But it's usually fine. Like when I was 29, I would like, I pierced my belly button.
[00:02:30] So I'm like, oh, my God, I need to stay young. And then 30 was fine.
[00:02:33] And the same thing with 39. I was like, oh, my God, I need to have a baby.
[00:02:37] And then 40 was fine. So hopefully the next big O will be fine.
[00:02:40] And I'm not going to freak out about it.
[00:02:42] Yeah, don't. You know what?
[00:02:44] First of all, you can't do nothing about it anyway.
[00:02:47] Well, you might as well enjoy it. Make the best of it.
[00:02:50] You look great. You feel great.
[00:02:52] Thank you, Lonnie Love.
[00:02:53] If you don't have any major health issues, I think you should just be grateful.
[00:02:57] You remember my gallbladder. So I have that.
[00:03:01] I need to take my gallbladder out.
[00:03:03] That's old people shit right there.
[00:03:05] Well, we will be celebrating this week.
[00:03:08] Okay. Yes, I know.
[00:03:10] Erica.
[00:03:11] I'll see you tomorrow night.
[00:03:12] And guess who I'm bringing tomorrow night?
[00:03:14] I got scoop for you.
[00:03:16] Guess who you get to meet tomorrow night?
[00:03:17] Oh, you're bringing a guest?
[00:03:19] Yeah, I got a table for four.
[00:03:20] How dare you?
[00:03:21] You know how I roll.
[00:03:23] You know I'm like representing for Lonnie Love.
[00:03:25] I'm bringing the whole crew out.
[00:03:27] Who's coming?
[00:03:28] Well, among other friends,
[00:03:30] you will get to meet Corona Bay tomorrow night.
[00:03:33] What?
[00:03:34] I know.
[00:03:35] Don't even ask.
[00:03:36] It's a whole thing.
[00:03:37] Oh, my goodness.
[00:03:39] I know.
[00:03:40] This is going to be fun.
[00:03:41] So stay tuned to next week's episode when we hear what Lonnie Love thinks about Corona Bay.
[00:03:46] Oh, I cannot wait.
[00:03:48] This is going to be an actual birthday to remember.
[00:03:53] All right, Erica.
[00:03:54] Enough about you and your birthday.
[00:03:56] Let's move on to a new segment.
[00:03:58] It's called The Grown Ass Woman of the Week.
[00:04:01] It is our way of spotlighting women, making a difference, whether it's someone in your community,
[00:04:05] a friend, even yourself.
[00:04:08] And this week, I wanted to highlight a woman who is just doing phenomenal work,
[00:04:13] not only in Texas, the state that she represents, but also for the country.
[00:04:18] She represents the 30th district in Texas.
[00:04:22] It's Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett.
[00:04:26] If you don't know who Jasmine Crockett is, she was a freshman congresswoman last year.
[00:04:36] She was doing a House meeting.
[00:04:40] And Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is a MAGA Republican, basically tried to throw shade at Jasmine Crockett,
[00:04:50] talking about her eyelashes and things like that, because she has these beautiful eyelashes.
[00:04:56] She's a Texas girl.
[00:04:57] So in Texas, they do it big.
[00:04:59] Well, honey, Jasmine Crockett did not let it slide.
[00:05:03] And she came up with this saying about her during the meeting.
[00:05:07] And it was basically bad built, blonde bitch, butch body.
[00:05:12] Right, right.
[00:05:13] I'm paraphrasing it.
[00:05:14] I don't think the bitch was in there, but it was close.
[00:05:16] And it just took it by storm.
[00:05:20] But the thing is about Jasmine Crockett, she is fearless.
[00:05:24] She has been speaking on issues, especially since the post-election.
[00:05:27] And I just finished interviewing her for my radio show, Cafe Mocha.
[00:05:32] Oh, wow.
[00:05:34] And she basically is still fighting the good fight for us.
[00:05:38] Of course, she was disappointed with the election returns.
[00:05:42] But this is the thing that I told her, Erica.
[00:05:45] I said, what is it that you want people to know or to understand?
[00:05:49] And she says, you know what?
[00:05:51] These next four years will be darkness.
[00:05:55] But when you look at the stars at night, you can only see the stars because of the darkness.
[00:06:02] If you have light, you don't see the stars.
[00:06:04] So you have to look at it that way and that we are the stars and we're going to shine bright, that we should not give up, that we should keep pursuing, and that we should keep being an inspiration and we should stay in the fight.
[00:06:17] And so I want to say that to everyone, that you have to keep living your life and you have to keep in the fight.
[00:06:25] And so she was just so wonderful.
[00:06:27] She continues, like, even with this whole pardon that Joe Biden did for his son, Hunter Biden.
[00:06:34] I heard her on the BBC, the interviewer.
[00:06:38] He was trying to get Jasmine.
[00:06:39] He was trying to get her.
[00:06:41] Well, what about this?
[00:06:42] And when I tell you she was doing, like, The Avengers, she was like Matrix.
[00:06:47] She was like, oh, but this.
[00:06:49] Oh, but that.
[00:06:50] Oh, but this.
[00:06:51] And so she's very outspoken.
[00:06:53] She's very fearless.
[00:06:54] And that's why I wanted to highlight her and make her the grown ass woman of the week.
[00:07:00] She's just phenomenal.
[00:07:01] Jasmine Crockett.
[00:07:02] Well, I think that's a perfect choice.
[00:07:04] And, you know, I love the analogy of the stars because she's really become a rising star in the Democratic Party.
[00:07:10] And she is continuing to fight the good fight with the Biden thing.
[00:07:14] You know, she's out there saying, listen, don't be hypocrites.
[00:07:17] How dare you guys judge Joe Biden for pardoning his son when we've got a president who is, you know, a felon.
[00:07:25] So, you know, look in your own mirror.
[00:07:27] Okay.
[00:07:27] But I love that she holds people accountable.
[00:07:29] And I'm going to keep my eye on her because one day might be President Jasmine Crockett.
[00:07:34] Okay, definitely.
[00:07:36] All right.
[00:07:36] Well, we have a great episode for everyone today.
[00:07:40] We're going to get into all sorts of stuff.
[00:07:42] We're going to be talking about Walmart's Love Jones commercial, Hollywood's body shaming issues.
[00:07:49] And we have a new challenge that's on the TikToks.
[00:07:55] You have a new challenge because you have a boyfriend.
[00:07:58] It's called We Listen and We Don't Judge Challenge.
[00:08:02] And maybe you need to think about that.
[00:08:04] Erica, in today's grown ass topic, we're going to be joined by our friend Kate Flannery
[00:08:11] as we talk about grief.
[00:08:13] Well, can I just throw something in this before?
[00:08:15] And I know this is a very special episode for us and Kate's amazing.
[00:08:19] But I want to send a shout out to Sherry Shepard because she, on her show recently,
[00:08:24] was talking about having to put her dog down, her beloved dog.
[00:08:27] And that's your girl and we love her.
[00:08:30] And she was, you know, very emotional about it.
[00:08:32] And I went through that this year where I had my Yorkie mojo who lived to be 20 years old.
[00:08:38] So I was very lucky to have them that long.
[00:08:40] But, you know, but it's difficult to say goodbye.
[00:08:43] And, you know, I just want to give a shout out to Mojo, who is my longest ship.
[00:08:48] And I love you.
[00:08:50] RIP.
[00:08:50] Oh, well, we're going to be getting into all of that.
[00:08:54] Rest in peace, Mojo.
[00:08:55] So, and we're going to get into all of that and more after this break.
[00:08:59] This is Grown Ass Women Talking.
[00:09:01] Are you a grown ass woman with something to say?
[00:09:04] What are you unapologetic about?
[00:09:06] What's got you fired up?
[00:09:07] Are you thrilled the kids are back in school?
[00:09:10] Or are you mad at your friends for asking you out after 9 p.m.?
[00:09:13] Did you get stood up on your third tender date this week?
[00:09:16] Whatever it is, let it all out.
[00:09:18] Visit our website at gawtpod.com and leave us a voice message.
[00:09:24] That's g-a-w-t-p-o-d dot com.
[00:09:29] Or drop us a voice note at g-a-w-t-pod at gmail dot com.
[00:09:34] We might just play your message on our next episode.
[00:09:37] But don't hold back.
[00:09:39] This is your space to talk about it.
[00:09:44] We're back with more G-A-W-T.
[00:09:46] Now it's time for Grown Ass Women News.
[00:09:48] Each week, I'll get Erica's take on the week's entertainment news,
[00:09:53] current events, and news about grown ass women.
[00:09:57] Up first, Walmart has a new holiday inspired commercial.
[00:10:03] It is based on the movie Love Jones.
[00:10:06] Remember the movie Love Jones?
[00:10:08] Yes, your man, your number one, Lorenz Tate.
[00:10:11] Lorenz Tate.
[00:10:12] That's your boy.
[00:10:13] And Nina Long.
[00:10:13] Well, they're getting mixed reactions.
[00:10:16] Walmart is, you know, Love Jones was an iconic 1997 film.
[00:10:23] And while some were excited about the nostalgia,
[00:10:25] others were disappointed,
[00:10:26] given the company's recent rollback of this diversity, equity,
[00:10:31] and inclusion DEI initiatives.
[00:10:35] I mean, people were happy to see Lorenz and Nina.
[00:10:40] It had nothing to do with them.
[00:10:41] It's the fact that Walmart is rolling it back.
[00:10:44] And one tweeter said, you know, they don't want DEI, but they want our dollars.
[00:10:50] Also, this is brilliant advertising.
[00:10:52] While another said, lovely, but I'll be damned if I shop at Walmart,
[00:10:57] especially now that managers have canceled DEI recruitment.
[00:11:01] What do you think about this, Erica?
[00:11:03] Well, listen, I get it.
[00:11:05] I think that it's, you know, it's disingenuous to be using our likenesses, you know, and using,
[00:11:10] you know, our iconic black stars to bring in, you know, shoppers when you're slapping your workers in the face, you know?
[00:11:18] So I get the uproar.
[00:11:20] The hypocrisy of everything that's going on right now, we talked about Jasmine Crockett and the pardon versus our felony, you know,
[00:11:27] indicted president.
[00:11:28] I mean, like, where do you draw the line?
[00:11:29] Yeah.
[00:11:31] Yeah.
[00:11:31] Well, you know, not long ago, Walmart, which was the largest private employer in the United States,
[00:11:36] announced that it was making changes to its DEI policies, including discontinuing its racial equity center
[00:11:43] and pulling out of the Human Rights Campaign's annual LGBTQ plus advocacy index.
[00:11:50] The thing is, is that these DEI, the reason why you got this type of commercial is because of the DEI initiatives.
[00:11:58] Walmart was a great champion in supporting things like the Essence Fest.
[00:12:04] They were supporting HBCUs.
[00:12:07] So now you're telling me that, okay, we're going to get rid of all of this.
[00:12:12] And, you know, this is the last one.
[00:12:15] I wish that they would value the fact that the reason why they're getting a lot of their ideas is because of the diversity people that they hire.
[00:12:25] Absolutely.
[00:12:26] You know, I mean, it's not just, you know, oh, willy nilly.
[00:12:30] A lot of, you know, a lot of diverse people, whether they're black, whether they're immigrants,
[00:12:36] they have these wonderful, great ideas and they add in their culture and you see it by the product.
[00:12:42] So I'm really kind of disappointed that they're letting go.
[00:12:45] But I'm glad to see that people being vocal about, like, we not shopping there.
[00:12:51] We going to Target.
[00:12:52] Well, do you really think it's going to, they're going to do that?
[00:12:56] You know what I mean?
[00:12:57] Like, I think people like love them some Walmart.
[00:12:59] And I think, I don't know if it's going to make a big dent.
[00:13:02] And they're going to really have to look at those prices.
[00:13:05] And the thing is, is that this is the problem is even Judy, who is married to the brat.
[00:13:15] She has, she has her, her hair care line.
[00:13:19] And she made a wonderful point.
[00:13:21] She's saying that, you know, when you take out diversity, things that, um, things, things
[00:13:28] that are happening, you know, they're going to stop supporting minority small businesses
[00:13:33] like hers.
[00:13:34] So it's really going to affect the bottom line of it.
[00:13:39] And whether the consumers realize it or not, they're not going to have the type of products
[00:13:45] that they usually have because of this change in Walmart's policy.
[00:13:49] Well, that's the question.
[00:13:50] I mean, like how pervasive is it going to be?
[00:13:53] Is this a political statement because they know Donald Trump is president now and they
[00:13:57] don't want any smoke from him and they're still going to continue their practices?
[00:14:01] Because the argument always, you know, the politically correct on the right argument is we're, we're
[00:14:07] working with talented people.
[00:14:08] It doesn't matter what color they are.
[00:14:10] So Judy, in their mind could just be talented, but they're giving the idea to the
[00:14:15] right, which are a lot of their base as well that, yo, we're not, we're not, you know,
[00:14:19] doing this, you know, this inclusion thing.
[00:14:22] But this is the thing.
[00:14:23] Like you have the vice presidents who are over DEI.
[00:14:27] It's a small piece of the budget for Walmart.
[00:14:31] So what you're telling me is that you're going to have these white vice presidents, these white
[00:14:36] people that they're going to say, Hey, let's look at some black people or let's look at
[00:14:40] some Muslim people or let's look at some gay.
[00:14:42] They're not going to do that.
[00:14:43] Right.
[00:14:44] That was the whole reason why you put this type of policy and division in your corporation
[00:14:50] because it wasn't being looked upon.
[00:14:53] Right.
[00:14:53] That's the only, and what I'm trying to tell people is just a small thing, but this is the
[00:14:57] thing.
[00:14:57] People look at the commercials and they see, Oh, you know, now commercials are very, very
[00:15:01] diverse.
[00:15:02] You see a black and a white couple, you see a gay couple, you know, now you see different,
[00:15:07] you know, you see.
[00:15:07] And so people were getting upset.
[00:15:09] Like, Oh, they still make commercials that put white people or put two black people or
[00:15:15] whatever.
[00:15:16] But it's like, it's a small chunk of their budget.
[00:15:20] And now you're telling me you're taking it all out.
[00:15:22] It's not right.
[00:15:23] And you're going to see the effects of it.
[00:15:25] You really, really is moving on.
[00:15:28] There is a new movie that's starring Kerry Washington and it's being directed and produced
[00:15:34] by Netflix and Tyler Perry.
[00:15:36] And it's called the six triple eight.
[00:15:40] Kerry Washington stars in the inspiring story of the world war, world war twos, only women's
[00:15:47] army corp unit of color.
[00:15:49] And I went to the premiere last night.
[00:15:52] Of course you did.
[00:15:53] The six eight, eight, eight central postal directorial battalion contributed to the war
[00:16:01] event in a unique way by sorting through three years of backlog of mail, 17 million pieces
[00:16:08] of that, that hadn't been delivered to American soldiers far from home in the face of discrimination
[00:16:14] and a vast unfamiliar country divided by global conflict.
[00:16:17] Like the 855 women brought hope to the front lines.
[00:16:23] And I went to see it.
[00:16:26] Kerry Washington is phenomenal in this movie.
[00:16:30] She really, really is.
[00:16:32] And, um, you know, for all I have to say with Tyler and I like that he worked with some
[00:16:42] producers that did research that, um, actually put the story together and you see this wonderful
[00:16:51] product.
[00:16:51] And I think right now, this is the type of movie with everything that happened with black
[00:16:57] women for post-election.
[00:16:59] This is the right type of movie for black women and it's the right timing for it.
[00:17:06] Um, because it shows the resilience and, um, it was a little long.
[00:17:11] I think he could have shaved it by 15 minutes, but the end of it is a phenomenal movie.
[00:17:18] It comes out December 20th.
[00:17:20] Um, but you get, it's like a love letter to black women.
[00:17:24] So I was really happy to see it.
[00:17:26] No, I didn't get my invite as plus one to the screening, but so I didn't see it, but I
[00:17:32] was going to ask you, I know that the questions we've talked about Tyler and his, you know,
[00:17:36] how, how thorough he is.
[00:17:38] It seems like you're, you're feeling that he was pretty thorough on this and him and did
[00:17:41] a really good job production wise.
[00:17:43] And well, he wasn't the only writer.
[00:17:45] Right.
[00:17:45] That's maybe that's in this one.
[00:17:47] So this was more of a collaborative effort.
[00:17:50] Oh my goodness.
[00:17:51] Her name is escaping me.
[00:17:53] Nicole Avant is the woman who we love her.
[00:17:58] She produced it.
[00:17:59] And she was the one that got Tyler on board.
[00:18:02] Oprah Winfrey plays a Mary McLeod Bethune.
[00:18:06] Oh, yeah.
[00:18:07] She has a cameo in it.
[00:18:09] Now, isn't she Avon's widow?
[00:18:11] The, um, that the big producer guy is, is Florence's, uh, husband who died recently.
[00:18:17] He was like the godfather.
[00:18:19] She's the daughter.
[00:18:20] Oh, the daughter.
[00:18:21] She's the daughter of Clarence Avon.
[00:18:22] Of Clarence Avon.
[00:18:23] Right.
[00:18:23] Yeah.
[00:18:24] Yeah.
[00:18:25] She's the daughter.
[00:18:25] And they dedicated the film to both her father and mother.
[00:18:29] Her mother, for people that don't know, um, was tragically, uh, killed in their house.
[00:18:37] And then the father who was like in his nineties, he was known, Clarence Avon was known as the
[00:18:41] godfather of Hollywood.
[00:18:43] Exactly.
[00:18:44] He basically put together major deals for people, um, in the record industry, in the movie industry.
[00:18:50] Um, there's a wonderful documentary on Netflix of him and his daughter, uh, Nicole Avon is
[00:18:58] married to Ted Santos, who is the CEO of Netflix.
[00:19:03] So it kind of all is in a, in a circle, but you know, again, when we talk about DEI and why
[00:19:11] was this movie made?
[00:19:12] It was Nicole Avon who did this.
[00:19:15] And so if we did not have her with this movie had been even made, we never even heard a black
[00:19:21] women in world war two, a whole, a whole troop of them.
[00:19:26] We haven't heard of that.
[00:19:27] But to you, to your point, and going back to the Tyler Perry of it all, I think again,
[00:19:30] he's probably instrumental in getting things made, you know, in Hollywood, it takes certain
[00:19:34] people to get things made.
[00:19:35] And so even though he may not have written this, he may not have directed it, but his
[00:19:39] production and, and his production prowess, you know, gets opens doors and gets things
[00:19:45] greenlit.
[00:19:45] So maybe he's.
[00:19:46] Oh, well, he knows how to do it under a budget.
[00:19:49] So, I mean, it's like, it is what it is.
[00:19:51] I like, you know, my whole thing is when it's more collaborative, when you have more writers,
[00:19:57] you know, you have more brains, it is a better product to me.
[00:20:01] And so this is one of the products that I'm proud that he has done.
[00:20:05] And especially I said, when you have a star like Kerry Washington, you want her to shine
[00:20:10] and she's shined in this movie.
[00:20:12] So great.
[00:20:12] I can't wait to see it.
[00:20:13] Oh yeah.
[00:20:14] It comes out December 20th.
[00:20:16] Moving on.
[00:20:17] Let's talk about these body issues that people have with Hollywood.
[00:20:21] Serena Williams is slamming ridiculous speculation that she's bleaching her skin.
[00:20:27] She has denied long-term rumors that she's been lightening her complexion, noting that
[00:20:31] she hasn't spent as much time in the sun since stepping off the tennis court.
[00:20:37] And she says, quote, for you haters out there, I do not bleach my skin.
[00:20:41] She said while doing her makeup in December the 2nd, she was doing an Instagram live.
[00:20:47] There's a thing called sunlight.
[00:20:48] And in that sunlight, you get different colors.
[00:20:52] First of all, when you have skin like that's got melanin.
[00:20:58] Melanin.
[00:20:58] Melanin.
[00:20:59] Melanin.
[00:21:00] Melanin.
[00:21:00] Melanin.
[00:21:01] Melanin.
[00:21:02] You know, you need light.
[00:21:05] And when you do have light, sometimes that light makes your skin look totally different.
[00:21:11] Like right now I have light on my skin.
[00:21:14] But if I turn off this light, my skin will look darker.
[00:21:18] I mean, do you think she's bleaching or do you take her for a word?
[00:21:21] I take her for her word.
[00:21:22] First of all, like leave that girl alone.
[00:21:25] If she wants to put on, you know, blending her makeup.
[00:21:29] That's the thing.
[00:21:29] Nowadays, there's this whole trend of like, you know, putting on different things to contour and, you know, the Kardashians, all that.
[00:21:36] So all these girls are doing that.
[00:21:38] And maybe she picked the wrong color one day.
[00:21:40] Why are we in her business?
[00:21:42] Like, why are we?
[00:21:43] Here's my question to you, Lonnie Love.
[00:21:44] And I think this is a black woman thing, too.
[00:21:47] Like, why are we so critical of still of skin color and owning your skin color?
[00:21:54] Do you know what I'm saying?
[00:21:54] Remember back in the day, like, it was the light skin against the dark skin.
[00:21:58] Like, why are we still in this conversation?
[00:22:00] Well, it's the history of colorism.
[00:22:02] It has a lot to do with the fact of sexuality, what's considered attractive.
[00:22:08] You know, even in slave times, the darker skinned women would be out in the field.
[00:22:15] The mulattoes and the light skinned women would be in the big house.
[00:22:21] So it's still dealing with us.
[00:22:23] It's the fact of how attractive you are.
[00:22:27] They feel like, you know, some women feel like they're not as attractive with dark skin.
[00:22:33] You know, this has to do with television and with film.
[00:22:36] Yeah.
[00:22:37] I mean, it's so, you know, when we keep telling people, when people see something or a view of themselves,
[00:22:44] they go, okay, it's all right to be that.
[00:22:46] But when you only see one person, if you only see white women,
[00:22:49] you only see light skinned women on television.
[00:22:52] Well, then that looks like, you know, that looks like that's what's beautiful.
[00:22:57] Right.
[00:22:58] The idea of beauty.
[00:22:59] Right.
[00:22:59] And when you see something different, you go, oh, wait.
[00:23:02] What?
[00:23:03] Oh, oh.
[00:23:03] And it takes.
[00:23:04] So I will tell you this.
[00:23:06] Even I remember years ago, I was having this conversation with a young man, young brother.
[00:23:14] And he was like, well, I'm attracted to white women because all I see in porns are white women.
[00:23:22] Oh, that's a whole nother story.
[00:23:24] I was like, wait, what?
[00:23:25] And he was like, that's all he, you know?
[00:23:29] And so, but when you think about even in the movies, you had the Greta Garbo.
[00:23:33] Right.
[00:23:34] Of course.
[00:23:34] You had that porcelain white skin.
[00:23:37] And it's just, that was that standard of beauty.
[00:23:40] And so it took until the 70s and we got Pam Grier, baby.
[00:23:44] Yeah.
[00:23:44] You know, when we started getting Diane Carroll, when we started getting, it was important to put them on screen too and show their beauty.
[00:23:53] Even Viola Davis said that it wasn't until How to Get Away with Murder that she thought someone with her skin tone could be seen as sexy.
[00:24:03] I mean, and shout out to Viola Davis.
[00:24:08] A hundred percent.
[00:24:09] A hundred percent.
[00:24:09] She's not only a grown-ass woman, she knows how to work it.
[00:24:13] But also, yes.
[00:24:15] You know.
[00:24:15] And to that point about that role, I think, you know, it's up to us as writers and creative people to create those roles for women like her.
[00:24:22] Do you know what I mean?
[00:24:23] Like women in their, grown-ass women like us can still be sexy.
[00:24:27] Darker women can be sexy.
[00:24:29] Like why not write those roles for women in their, you know, 40s to be badass and sexy and be kissing on a screen.
[00:24:36] I mean, like that was something we never saw, you know, black people do when we were young either.
[00:24:40] Like it wasn't until, like, talk about Love Jones.
[00:24:42] Like we got into these, like, black love stories.
[00:24:45] Before you never even saw black people kiss on screen.
[00:24:47] Like when Billy Dee and Diana Ross.
[00:24:50] Yeah.
[00:24:51] When they kissed and, yeah.
[00:24:52] It was like, oh my God.
[00:24:53] It was like, wow.
[00:24:53] That was like de regard.
[00:24:55] But like now we see it all the time and it's beautiful.
[00:24:57] So we have to write more roles like that for women like Viola and, you know, establishing that they belong in the pantheon of beauties and also being romantic leads.
[00:25:09] Like that's something that was only relegated to blonde white women.
[00:25:12] And now women like Viola Davis can be a romantic lead.
[00:25:15] Well, blonde white women have issues too.
[00:25:18] Well, hell yeah.
[00:25:19] In a 60 Minutes interview released on Sunday, the Oscar winner, Kate Winslet, while discussing her breakout role in Titanic, she was shown this E! News clip from 1998 Golden Globes red carpet where the on-air host could be heard saying the actress looked a little melted and poured into her dress and that she needed two sizes larger and she'd be okay.
[00:25:45] She said that it was absolutely appalling.
[00:25:49] What kind of person must they be to do something like that to a young actress who's just trying to figure it out?
[00:25:57] When asked if she ever confronted the press for their comments, Winslet admitted she did get face-to-face with some.
[00:26:04] I let them have it, she said.
[00:26:06] I hope this haunts you, she calls saying.
[00:26:09] It was a great moment, she said, as she fought back tears during the season.
[00:26:15] 60 Minutes interview.
[00:26:16] It was a great moment because it wasn't just for me.
[00:26:19] It was for all the people who were subjected to that level of harassment.
[00:26:23] It was horrific.
[00:26:24] It was really bad.
[00:26:28] You know, when we talk about the fact that weight shaming for a long time on that red carpet and still on some red carpets, you can't be past 110.
[00:26:40] Yeah.
[00:26:42] You can't get a dress.
[00:26:43] No one would dress you back in the day.
[00:26:46] You have to be sample size, which is like a two.
[00:26:48] Yeah.
[00:26:49] Yeah.
[00:26:49] That's what sample size is.
[00:26:51] Believe me.
[00:26:52] I've been in this business for a long time.
[00:26:55] And I was being cast at a time before we had these plus size stores.
[00:27:00] So the only place that they could get clothing for a person my size was at the basement of Sears.
[00:27:09] Right?
[00:27:11] The casting, the wardrobe director, whoever would just take your measurements and just get you a duvet cover and put a belt on it.
[00:27:21] And it was like, when I say we have come a long way when it comes to wardrobe and things like that, we've come a long way.
[00:27:32] But to be a major star back in the, like, the 80s, you didn't see a lot of big women.
[00:27:40] So when Kate Winslet came along, it was like, oh, and she was like the lead.
[00:27:46] And she was with this young, hot Leonardo DiCaprio.
[00:27:51] Yeah.
[00:27:52] And that was the time when E! News, they would do those red carpet specials with John Rivers and them.
[00:27:57] They would go in on people.
[00:27:59] So the minute they see one little thing, they, oh.
[00:28:02] So I get it.
[00:28:04] I get it.
[00:28:04] But this is, this is what we talk about when we talk about progression, when we talk about being progressed and, and things like that for women to include, you know, plus size women on the red carpet to include them in our stories.
[00:28:19] It's very, very important.
[00:28:21] So we are making way, but it just shows you between her and Oprah Winfrey.
[00:28:25] Oh, they used to tag Oprah so bad.
[00:28:27] I know.
[00:28:28] Like, I mean, it was bad.
[00:28:30] I think to me, and going back to all the, like, you know, the skin color shaming as well, I think the one thing that is still unfortunately okay to be prejudiced against is obesity, which is why we're getting to all the ozempics and everybody's skinny taking drugs because that's the one thing that people can still be shamed about.
[00:28:53] And, and I think, you know, in our culture, it's still okay to, to fat shame people, which is horrible.
[00:28:59] I think it's getting better to your point.
[00:29:02] I mean, the Kardashians and the booty looks and all that kind of brought in a little, you know, made kind of having a body, you know, in fashion, but still, you know, being skinny is, is what we all revere.
[00:29:14] Now, what the goal is.
[00:29:16] And so, you know, I think it's unfortunate.
[00:29:18] And I think that the pressure on women to, again, be taking ozempic at this point, you know, even Oprah, you know, the bastion of body positivity still on ozempic at this point.
[00:29:30] So like, you know, when are we ever going to let people be and not, you know, expect so much of women and put so much onus on their bodies?
[00:29:39] Yeah.
[00:29:40] I mean, because people look at people and they, they, I guess, you know, they, they feel a certain type of way when they see somebody like, you know, the things that Lizzo went through.
[00:29:51] It's like, if you see Lizzo, they try to say, oh, she's unhealthy.
[00:29:55] Now she's losing weight.
[00:29:56] Oh my God, she looks fantastic.
[00:29:57] She's stunning.
[00:30:00] And Cynthia Erivo from Wicked are being criticized for being too skinny during the Wicked press tour.
[00:30:09] I know.
[00:30:10] We can't get out of that.
[00:30:11] That's our culture.
[00:30:12] It's our culture.
[00:30:13] I think it's either people, if you're too skinny, like what they're doing with Ariana and Cynthia Erivo, they're like, okay, I know I can't achieve that.
[00:30:22] And that looks unhealthy.
[00:30:23] So they're, they're hating on it too.
[00:30:25] Right.
[00:30:25] And then you look at someone, if they are too big, then it's like, I don't want to be like that.
[00:30:30] So let me make fun of them.
[00:30:33] You know, so it's like, it's all this whole human psychology thing that's happening.
[00:30:37] And it takes a really strong person to sit there, put on clothes, get on a red carpet and say, this is me.
[00:30:45] This is how I am right now.
[00:30:47] This is how I look.
[00:30:48] And I'm going to be okay with it.
[00:30:50] And you guys can just, you know, do that.
[00:30:52] But policing women's bodies is a part of the culture that we need to end.
[00:30:58] That's what I'm saying.
[00:30:59] Why is it just women?
[00:31:00] Like we don't, we don't judge men like that.
[00:31:02] Well, because we look at women differently than men.
[00:31:05] And a lot of people that are making decisions when it comes to filming, when it comes to casting, you know, the heads have been men.
[00:31:14] And so men want what they say they can fuck.
[00:31:17] And if they look at a big, they look at a big, I don't want to fuck that.
[00:31:20] If you're too skinny, I don't want to fuck that.
[00:31:23] So, you know, they leave with their dicks.
[00:31:26] A hundred percent.
[00:31:27] And it's, I mean, they admit it.
[00:31:29] Speaking of men that are just horrible.
[00:31:33] Oh no.
[00:31:33] Women training as midwives and nurses in Afghanistan have told the BBC that they were ordered not to return to classes.
[00:31:42] Again, effectively closing off their last route to further education in the country.
[00:31:50] Five separate institutions across Afghanistan have also confirmed that the Taliban had instructed them to close until further notice.
[00:32:00] With videos shared online showing students crying at the news.
[00:32:05] The closures appear to have been in line with the groups, the Taliban's wider policy on female education, which has seen teenage girls unable to assess secondary and higher education since August of 2021.
[00:32:19] The Taliban repeatedly promised that they would be readmitted to school once a number of issues were resolved, including ensuring the curriculum was Islamic.
[00:32:30] But this has yet to happen.
[00:32:34] Okay.
[00:32:35] This was the last of education for women.
[00:32:40] First of all, midwives and nursing was one of the only careers women could pursue under the Taliban government's restrictions on women.
[00:32:49] And it's very vital because male medics are not allowed to treat women unless a male guard is present.
[00:32:58] So what are they going to do?
[00:32:59] The average Afghan woman has five children.
[00:33:03] So in maybe five years, what are they going to do if you don't, if they haven't trained midwives and nurses and you've got these, these crazy rules of it's got to be a male medic with a male guard.
[00:33:16] What?
[00:33:17] Really?
[00:33:18] No, you're going to have higher mortality rates.
[00:33:20] Of course.
[00:33:20] I mean, that's, that's a slippery slope for sure.
[00:33:23] But it makes it, it also scares the hell out of me because I feel like, you know, we're kind of going in that direction too.
[00:33:31] When you start having these conversations with this new, you know, cabinet of Trumps where it's like, well, women shouldn't be in combat.
[00:33:38] Okay.
[00:33:38] So what's next that women shouldn't be doctors.
[00:33:40] You know what I mean?
[00:33:41] Like it's that same kind of thing.
[00:33:42] When men start imposing limitations on what women should be in their careers, that is dangerous.
[00:33:48] This is why I tell people is so important that you speak out.
[00:33:52] And even if you're speaking out, it's just making sure that you vote, that you making sure that you, you know, align yourselves with organizations that understand what's happening.
[00:34:04] I was listening to one report about a woman in Afghanistan and she gave like a little voice message to be played.
[00:34:11] And she says, basically, can you imagine this, Erica?
[00:34:14] She says, I no longer can go to school.
[00:34:18] I just sit in my house.
[00:34:20] She said, I can't, we, they're not even allowed to go out in the park.
[00:34:24] They're not allowed publicly to be out and talk to other women.
[00:34:29] Like she says, I'm just sitting at my house and trigger warning for those.
[00:34:35] She says, I don't feel like living.
[00:34:39] This is what can happen when people say it can't happen.
[00:34:43] It can.
[00:34:44] All it takes is a couple of policy changes is what you're seeing already.
[00:34:49] Absolutely.
[00:34:50] If you think things are, you're not being affected by what's happening with the migrants, what's happening with, you know, abortion.
[00:34:58] It can happen here.
[00:35:00] Absolutely.
[00:35:01] Because all it takes is a little change.
[00:35:03] And then it's like, boom, it's done.
[00:35:05] When people start dictating what your life should be as a woman, you must have this child.
[00:35:12] You must not work in this.
[00:35:14] I mean, if you're not going to have women in combat, there are something like 100,000 women in combat right now.
[00:35:19] So basically you're taking their jobs away from them.
[00:35:21] So now they're unemployed.
[00:35:23] I mean, it's a dictatorship.
[00:35:26] And it's a patriarchy that we have to be aware of because it's just, like you said, a slippery slope.
[00:35:33] One thing happens, then the next thing happens.
[00:35:36] It's a domino effect.
[00:35:37] And then the next thing you know, we're in Afghanistan.
[00:35:40] Definitely.
[00:35:41] And we'll have to keep fighting.
[00:35:43] Someone who's tired of it is Britney Spears.
[00:35:46] Britney revealed on her 43rd birthday that she made the decision to move to Mexico in an effort to get away from the paparazzi.
[00:35:53] It really kind of hurt my feelings.
[00:35:56] She shared on Instagram that the paparazzi made my face look like I'm wearing like a white Jason mask.
[00:36:03] It doesn't even look like me.
[00:36:04] The stronger singer added that the paparazzi have always been incredibly cruel to her and that while she knows she's not perfect at all by any means, she believes the way they treated her was extremely mean and cruel.
[00:36:19] And that's why I've moved to Mexico.
[00:36:21] First of all, I love me some Britney.
[00:36:24] And she's my fellow Sag.
[00:36:25] So shout out to Sages.
[00:36:27] But we also have this thing.
[00:36:29] I will say I'm not a huge astrology person, but I know like when we've had it,
[00:36:34] we're done.
[00:36:35] Like we will cut you out of our life if you, like, you know, the last straw kind of thing.
[00:36:39] Ask my two ex-husbands.
[00:36:42] So I think that she's just had it.
[00:36:43] And I know she's got issues.
[00:36:44] You know what I mean?
[00:36:45] I know there's some stuff going on with her.
[00:36:47] But I think she's just had a crazy couple of years with her divorce, with the paparazzi, you know, loving her but just being intrusive.
[00:36:56] And everyone calling her crazy.
[00:36:58] Like, I get it.
[00:36:59] Like, go do you.
[00:37:00] Enjoy Cancun or wherever you're going to go.
[00:37:03] And then she also says, she's like, I'm turning five.
[00:37:06] So she's, like, got this whole thing about how she's not even, you know, acknowledging her age, which I will be adopting that this week, too.
[00:37:13] So I'll be turning 15.
[00:37:15] Thanks, Brit.
[00:37:16] I'm 15.
[00:37:17] It'll be my, like, quinceanera or something.
[00:37:20] But I love me some Brit.
[00:37:22] And I just, you know, I wish the best for her, though, because I know that she's teetering, you know.
[00:37:28] Yeah.
[00:37:29] But she's not teetering enough.
[00:37:30] She knows enough to move somewhere and move to Mexico for her peace.
[00:37:34] So protect your peace, Britney.
[00:37:36] And with that said, there's a new trend on TikTok called We Listen and We Don't Judge.
[00:37:42] The point of the trend is to confess little funny things to your partner that you know they might judge you for.
[00:37:49] Like your boyfriend telling you he's been secretly using your expensive shampoo because it smells so good.
[00:37:55] Or your girlfriend admitting that the outfit she brought was a little or a lot more expensive than she told you it was.
[00:38:03] And for some couples that are actually in healthy relationships, this is exactly what the trend is.
[00:38:09] But some people start off by saying we listen and don't judge in unison and then take turns owning up to these cute and hilarious but harmless secrets.
[00:38:18] But for a lot of couples, you know, you look at it.
[00:38:22] The trend is anything but cute.
[00:38:24] So, you do have someone, Corona Babe.
[00:38:29] Well, no.
[00:38:30] Let's go to you first.
[00:38:33] I don't do none of these.
[00:38:35] So, it's not that you would do this on TikTok.
[00:38:38] I know you're not on TikTok.
[00:38:39] But do you listen to him or do you judge him or both?
[00:38:43] No.
[00:38:44] Why would I judge James?
[00:38:46] Yeah.
[00:38:48] Because you're super judgy.
[00:38:50] Why would I judge him?
[00:38:52] You judge me.
[00:38:53] I wouldn't do that.
[00:38:54] No.
[00:38:56] No.
[00:38:57] So what?
[00:38:57] He keeps the heat on.
[00:38:58] He has to have the heat on when he takes a shower.
[00:39:01] He's like, get for it to be toasty.
[00:39:02] It's already hot.
[00:39:04] Okay.
[00:39:05] That's judgy.
[00:39:06] I don't judge him.
[00:39:06] All right.
[00:39:07] Do you listen to him?
[00:39:08] You're hilarious.
[00:39:09] You are hilarious.
[00:39:10] It's not about me.
[00:39:11] This is about you.
[00:39:12] Listen, you know, Corona Babe, we did have, well, you'll find out more.
[00:39:18] But we did have a, we had a total judgy listen moment where it, you know, we talked about
[00:39:24] it on the podcast where he called me a cougar.
[00:39:26] Remember?
[00:39:28] Oh yeah.
[00:39:28] That was funny.
[00:39:29] And he, but it came from me calling him Corona Babe because he hates me calling him Corona
[00:39:34] Babe.
[00:39:34] He hates it.
[00:39:35] Cause I think he thinks it like relegates him to be like, you know, like a booty call-ish
[00:39:39] kind of thing.
[00:39:40] You know what I mean?
[00:39:41] So his name is Eddie.
[00:39:43] It's not Corona Babe.
[00:39:44] So that's my first, like, I listened.
[00:39:46] Oh, good.
[00:39:47] So I won't be like, Hey, Corona Babe.
[00:39:49] His name is Eddie.
[00:39:51] So when you see him, please don't call him Corona Babe.
[00:39:53] Then I'll have to deal with him all night if you call him Corona Babe.
[00:39:56] It'll be a whole thing.
[00:39:57] He's very emotional.
[00:39:59] You should never tell a comic not to say something.
[00:40:02] I know.
[00:40:03] So listeners wait till next week to tell you about this birthday party with her Corona
[00:40:08] Babe.
[00:40:08] And I'll make sure he does not listen to this because I don't want to, I don't want the
[00:40:12] smoke from this.
[00:40:13] Oh my God.
[00:40:14] Oh my goodness.
[00:40:15] We're going to take a break.
[00:40:16] And when we come back, we're going to jump into today's topic with Kate Flannery.
[00:40:20] This is grown ass women talking.
[00:40:22] Hey, I'm Kate Flannery and this is grown ass women talking.
[00:40:30] Today's guest is an actor, singer, and writer best known for her nine seasons as Meredith
[00:40:35] on NBC's office.
[00:40:37] She's also appeared on shows like young children, Brooklyn nine, nine and Steven universe.
[00:40:42] Now recently Kate became a fan favorite on dancing with the stars and the mass singer
[00:40:47] and co-star with Rita Moreno in the prank now streaming on Apple TV.
[00:40:52] Known for her talent and humor.
[00:40:55] She continues to captivate audiences.
[00:40:57] And this December, she'll be hitting the road with none other than Jane Lynch for their
[00:41:02] swinging little Christmas tour featuring songs from their billboard charting holiday album,
[00:41:09] A Swinging Little Christmas.
[00:41:12] And this is a great show.
[00:41:12] I love it.
[00:41:13] Kate Flannery.
[00:41:14] Hey, Kate.
[00:41:15] Hey, Kate.
[00:41:17] Now, I just said, but tell us about your, this whole holiday show and your album.
[00:41:24] Jane Lynch and I did an album together eight years ago.
[00:41:28] The very first time I ever went to Second City, Jane Lynch was understudying for Bonnie Hunt.
[00:41:32] We figured this out later.
[00:41:33] And then like not even two years later, I became her understudy.
[00:41:36] Life is crazy.
[00:41:37] Life is crazy.
[00:41:38] I love it.
[00:41:39] Yeah.
[00:41:40] When we were doing The Office, we sang in a couple benefits and then The Office ended
[00:41:45] pretty much the same time Glee ended.
[00:41:47] So Jane got asked to do a show, like a cabaret show and she didn't want to do it alone.
[00:41:51] So she dragged me along and the rest, as they say, was history.
[00:41:56] And you know, Erica, Kate has always been like a lounge singer.
[00:42:03] She has this wonderful act.
[00:42:04] Tell us about that act.
[00:42:05] Yeah.
[00:42:06] I had an act called The Lampshades.
[00:42:07] We were like a dying lounge act.
[00:42:08] We used to host a lot of stand-up shows.
[00:42:10] And so we were like kind of in the stand-up world, but like our own weird, we were literally
[00:42:15] trapped in an act.
[00:42:16] Wait, where did The Lampshades come from?
[00:42:18] What's that name come from?
[00:42:19] Just because if you're the life of the party, you put a lampshade in your head.
[00:42:22] Yeah.
[00:42:23] But we used to do mashups with 70s and 80s songs, but we were sort of like in an unrequited
[00:42:27] love situation on stage.
[00:42:28] It was a lot going on.
[00:42:30] Fabulous.
[00:42:30] So fun.
[00:42:31] Like really, really fun.
[00:42:32] And we played, like we were kind of in the hover band world with, like we used to open
[00:42:36] for the Dan Band and for Puddles Pity Party and like Garfunkel.
[00:42:39] No, it's like that kind of, you know, you kind of get the vibe.
[00:42:42] So we had a nice run.
[00:42:43] It was good.
[00:42:44] And so I feel like I'm never by myself on stage live.
[00:42:48] So it's nice to be with Jane Lynch too.
[00:42:50] So we're, she's sort of like the nun cracking me on the knuckles and I'm sort of like the
[00:42:53] sheepdog not going to go.
[00:42:56] Well, we're going to talk a little bit more about that, but we're going to get into today's
[00:43:00] topic, which is a serious topic.
[00:43:02] And I'm glad that you were able and you're going to be transparent and discuss with us
[00:43:07] how to get through this.
[00:43:09] For today's grown ass topic, we're talking about dealing with grief, a challenge many
[00:43:13] of us are facing, whether it's from personal loss or the weight of current events.
[00:43:17] Grief takes many forms.
[00:43:19] Now, some are grieving about the recent election while others are experiencing more personal
[00:43:24] losses like the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, or even the loss of a person
[00:43:28] we used to be.
[00:43:29] Grief can feel overwhelming and finding a way to cope and move forward isn't always clear.
[00:43:35] This week, we're diving into this important topic that impacts women everywhere.
[00:43:40] And Kate, you recently lost your wonderful father who had just turned 100 and you've been
[00:43:46] very open about it.
[00:43:47] You wrote a lovely IG and I loved all the pictures.
[00:43:51] Can you share your journey and how you've been navigating it?
[00:43:55] Well, thank you so much.
[00:43:56] I have to say, I'm so proud of my dad.
[00:43:58] He was so brave.
[00:44:00] And I mean, to be on the planet and still be totally with it.
[00:44:04] I mean, a lot of us are trying to get out of like the next gig I have.
[00:44:07] Like he showed up for life and he took care of a lot of people.
[00:44:10] He owned a bar, Flannery's Tavern that my grandfather started.
[00:44:14] And he just was like the kindest person he was.
[00:44:17] And he just, he, every day he woke up like really happy to be here.
[00:44:22] And you know, he used to own the rooms above the bar.
[00:44:25] So a lot of the guys that lived up there, if they couldn't make the rent, he would just
[00:44:28] let them work it off.
[00:44:29] So we always had a lot of alcoholics like putting up a fence, putting the grass.
[00:44:33] Right.
[00:44:34] I love it.
[00:44:35] Like that was my dad.
[00:44:36] Like you just can't, like, they just don't make them like that anymore.
[00:44:39] And he worked till he was 87 at the bar, right?
[00:44:42] Only because they sold the bar.
[00:44:44] Yeah.
[00:44:44] He's like, what am I doing here?
[00:44:45] The drop, the plan was to drop dead behind the bar.
[00:44:48] What am I doing here?
[00:44:48] But I kind of understand, like, I understand I'm very much wired like him.
[00:44:52] I'm so like, I am happy to be on planet earth.
[00:44:55] And it's, it's so hard that he's gone because I, I still feel his energy all the time, but
[00:45:04] it's like he became a really strong compass for me because there's a lot, so much, you know,
[00:45:13] darkness and BS, particularly in show business.
[00:45:15] We know this, right?
[00:45:16] Absolutely.
[00:45:17] But on planet earth right now, I just feel like between politics and, and, you know,
[00:45:20] there's just a lot of dark stuff going on.
[00:45:22] So it was just so great to have him here because it kept me clear.
[00:45:26] I got to go home a lot.
[00:45:27] The universe conspired to have me close by.
[00:45:30] So I feel like I was always doing things that were like pretty close because he'd say, don't
[00:45:33] babysit me.
[00:45:34] Don't come home and babysit me.
[00:45:36] He's like, you figured out if you're free work, I want you to, you know, keep working.
[00:45:39] And I feel like the world really was like, yes.
[00:45:42] Okay.
[00:45:42] So I did a lot of weird stuff and loved every minute of it.
[00:45:45] I'm still doing weird stuff.
[00:45:46] Bring it on.
[00:45:47] And, um, yeah, but, but it just kind of allowed me to say no to people that,
[00:45:52] I've given a little too much oxygen to in my life.
[00:45:56] They don't really, they don't really need it.
[00:45:59] I'm not really special to them.
[00:46:01] They just, I'm just like one more person that they feel like is kissing their ass or adoring
[00:46:05] them.
[00:46:05] You know, I mean, in retrospect, like, like how did they reach out to you once it happened?
[00:46:09] Or were you surprised at people that didn't reach out?
[00:46:13] Um, no, I was not surprised by anybody that didn't.
[00:46:16] It was fine.
[00:46:17] Cause I, I know who my real friends are.
[00:46:19] Or I know who, you know, and I mean, there's a lot of people that were a little unexpected
[00:46:23] and kind, but, but I also feel like, um, uh, it's so personal when someone, and actually
[00:46:31] when they're, when they're, when you, cause I felt like things were changing.
[00:46:34] My dad died in January and I felt like last October, I was like, Oh, something feels like
[00:46:39] it's shifting.
[00:46:40] And then when he made it to a hundred in December, I just felt like he got really tired
[00:46:46] and I'm like, okay, I think he's, you know, so I actually went back home for like two weeks
[00:46:51] and I get this call.
[00:46:52] Like they called the ambulance, they called the priest.
[00:46:55] We're going to the hospital.
[00:46:56] My dad's like, I'll see you when you get here.
[00:46:58] He was like, so happy that he was done, which is a rare thing.
[00:47:02] Um, but it also made me like, remind me like everything's okay.
[00:47:07] Well, going back to what you were saying about someone keeping you grounded, right?
[00:47:11] I mean, having a father who clearly like kept you in your place, but in a good way, how does
[00:47:16] it feel to not have that layer anymore?
[00:47:19] Navigating the world and navigating, like you said, Hollywood.
[00:47:21] It's a little tough, but I, but I also have his, I have his voice in my head.
[00:47:25] I have his, I have his spirit in my heart and I can feel him.
[00:47:28] And so I'll tell you, you know, one time I was at his house and some like high school
[00:47:34] girl knocked on the door and wanted to take a picture with me.
[00:47:37] And my one sister was like, what are you doing?
[00:47:39] This is our private house.
[00:47:40] Like she just, I wasn't there, but I was like, calm down.
[00:47:44] It's okay.
[00:47:45] And then, and she kept like bothering.
[00:47:48] And then her father like came and sat next to my dad on the porch for like an hour.
[00:47:52] I wasn't there.
[00:47:52] And I'm like, I remember coming in the back door.
[00:47:54] And I was like,
[00:47:58] And I remember I was like, like, uh, like I kind of waited.
[00:48:01] And then the guy left and my dad came in and he goes, knock on the door and do it.
[00:48:06] Take a picture.
[00:48:07] It'll take two minutes.
[00:48:08] Just do it.
[00:48:09] And I was like, he's absolutely right.
[00:48:11] The thing is, I'm like, I am so lucky to be in that position that someone would knock
[00:48:14] on my door to take a picture with me because I gotta tell you, 19 years ago, they weren't
[00:48:19] doing that.
[00:48:19] You know, girl, you know, he was there to tell you, don't get too big for your britches.
[00:48:24] Right.
[00:48:25] Like he's like, bring you down to earth.
[00:48:27] This is your reality.
[00:48:27] Like enjoy it or, or, or get out.
[00:48:31] Like you gotta make some choices.
[00:48:32] And that's why I always sort of, I'm just reminded of him, especially if I'm with another
[00:48:37] actor who's sort of annoyed when someone stops them.
[00:48:39] And you know, it may be the 10th time, 15th time somebody stops you that day, but it's
[00:48:45] there.
[00:48:45] This person's first time to see you.
[00:48:47] And they're really excited.
[00:48:48] Yeah.
[00:48:49] I want to show that like, they may not love Meredith, but they love the office.
[00:48:52] So I'm representing a team.
[00:48:54] So it's my responsibility to represent and as best I can, whenever I can.
[00:48:59] And just to remember that it takes two minutes to be generous, but I just love that my dad,
[00:49:06] you know, really planted that seed in me.
[00:49:09] So yeah.
[00:49:09] I love that.
[00:49:10] And he must've been so proud of you.
[00:49:12] He wasn't loving the nudity part on the office, but at least it was NBC.
[00:49:17] How have you been able to navigate the ups and downs?
[00:49:21] What are some of your suggestions, especially with a parent, like, you know, losing a parent?
[00:49:26] I want to say like probably four years ago, I made a decision that I was like, oh, okay.
[00:49:30] We have limited time here.
[00:49:32] Like I got to really, I can't pretend like this isn't happening, you know, that life isn't
[00:49:38] getting shorter for him.
[00:49:39] So I made a decision that I was just going to go home as much as I could, as much, you
[00:49:44] know, even if it's once a month for like overnight, whatever it is, like, I'm going to be there.
[00:49:49] I'll do my best.
[00:49:50] And I think just like kind of making sure, like, I remember like not wanting to say that
[00:49:55] to anybody else.
[00:49:56] Like until my dad passes, I kind of can't do certain things because I don't want to be
[00:50:01] far away.
[00:50:02] Like I just.
[00:50:03] Absolutely.
[00:50:03] You know, and then I, like I said, I feel like the universe conspires to be like, Hey,
[00:50:07] that's your choice.
[00:50:08] Then you sort of get more.
[00:50:10] So I remember at the height of the pandemic, I luckily had a friend who lived about two miles
[00:50:15] from my dad and she had a garage apartment.
[00:50:17] So I actually got to quarantine there.
[00:50:20] This is like back when you had to quarantine for two weeks before you saw anybody.
[00:50:23] And I got like Instagram.
[00:50:24] I felt like Fonzie over the garage.
[00:50:25] I was like, so happy.
[00:50:26] That was great.
[00:50:28] So, and I felt like I sort of like, I felt like I threaded the needle.
[00:50:31] Like, I was like, my God, you guys, like we get to be together.
[00:50:34] We're hanging out on the porch.
[00:50:35] And like, so I had like a, another, I had like a month with him.
[00:50:39] Cause everything was like, I actually need more than that because everything was like
[00:50:42] zoom and stuff.
[00:50:43] Like, yeah.
[00:50:44] Like you didn't have to be there.
[00:50:45] Cause nobody was anywhere.
[00:50:46] So I felt like we were sitting on the porch and like the sun would go down and we, we would
[00:50:51] watch.
[00:50:51] It was like, we didn't want the day to end.
[00:50:53] It's like, we had to force ourselves to get up and leave in the dark.
[00:50:58] I'm just so grateful for that time.
[00:51:00] And, but I also feel like if we can be honest with ourselves and kind of accept the reality
[00:51:06] of what's happening with a friend or parent, like if they really aren't going to be here
[00:51:10] a long time, I think, you know, that, that definitely helped.
[00:51:13] And, you know, not everybody gets that message and you can't beat yourself up.
[00:51:17] Like, you know, when you know, but if you see it, you know, when you really, you like
[00:51:22] I say, just like lean in, you will never regret it.
[00:51:24] You were there when he passed or.
[00:51:27] I was in the next room, but I was there.
[00:51:29] I got there the, the, I got there the morning of, cause I flew all night.
[00:51:33] We did have one day, but he was, he was asleep, you know, but he, but he looks so peaceful.
[00:51:39] I just knew he was just ready.
[00:51:41] He didn't look like, like I, I went through this with my mom 12 years ago and she was a
[00:51:46] much different story.
[00:51:47] She was, I don't think she was as at peace with herself.
[00:51:51] And I think, um, which made it harder in some ways, but I knew when she was ready though,
[00:51:56] I, again, she got this thing like over her for the last two weeks of her life or, cause
[00:52:01] she was like, she used to have chronic complainer put on her chart.
[00:52:05] And I was like, that's a thing.
[00:52:07] Just so you know, I thought I was just like, you know, I'm going to complain.
[00:52:13] I'm going to put that on my chart too.
[00:52:16] But then like something came over her two weeks before she passed.
[00:52:20] And I was like, Oh, cause I remember I was, I was hosting a show for TV guide network and
[00:52:24] I had to do press in New York.
[00:52:26] It was called, it was an all female standup show called standup and stilettos.
[00:52:29] And I remember I did this press tour and I was like coming down to Philadelphia on the
[00:52:32] train.
[00:52:33] And I was like, Oh, I'm not like, I was like, this is something's shifted here.
[00:52:38] She stopped complaining, but you know, whatever it is.
[00:52:41] But I felt like I got the best of her, you know?
[00:52:43] Yeah.
[00:52:44] And I even went through this with my sister, um, five years ago.
[00:52:47] So I, and I remember there was a shift in her personality where you're like, Oh, there's
[00:52:50] something resigned here.
[00:52:51] Well, what you were saying about the pandemic, I will say, I think that was the one wonderful
[00:52:55] thing about it.
[00:52:56] I think everyone kind of got to take a step back and slow down.
[00:52:59] And take stock.
[00:53:00] Like I know my parents are getting older.
[00:53:03] Um, and I, I never used to see them on a daily or weekly basis.
[00:53:07] I would sit down the holidays, you know, and then during the pandemic, we would get together
[00:53:11] every Sunday.
[00:53:12] We had our little bubble and we've continued that post pandemic.
[00:53:16] And I literally now they're in their eighties.
[00:53:18] And I'm like, you know what?
[00:53:18] This is a blessing because I, I think I will be in a similar place to where you are,
[00:53:23] where if they go, I'll be like, I had this time with them.
[00:53:27] And so that's a great advice to tell people to take time because you're not going to get
[00:53:31] it back.
[00:53:32] Right.
[00:53:32] It's so true.
[00:53:33] And I, I will say some relationships are more complicated than others.
[00:53:36] You don't get that.
[00:53:37] And, and maybe you shouldn't, they, they could be toxic or something where you're like, it
[00:53:42] just, you know, um, and that's, that's up to you and you have to take care of yourself
[00:53:47] on this planet.
[00:53:48] So, you know, if you love somebody, you can't be there whipping board, whatever it is, like
[00:53:53] whatever, you know, you, you gotta, you gotta do what you gotta do.
[00:53:56] But I think if there's love and there's ease and calmness and, and, you know, you can really
[00:54:01] check in with yourself and it feels good than do it.
[00:54:03] You know, I think some people need more boundaries.
[00:54:05] They just do.
[00:54:06] Sure.
[00:54:07] Your relatives or addicts or something like it can get very, very, very tricky.
[00:54:11] And I, I don't wish it on anybody, but I also feel like you can't pretend you don't
[00:54:15] know what you know, you know?
[00:54:17] Right.
[00:54:18] Because this is part of being really grown up.
[00:54:20] It's like, you know, I don't love, um, you know, I don't love the fact that I have family
[00:54:25] members that are addicts, but if I don't accept that, then I'm screwed because I'm.
[00:54:29] And it has nothing to do with you.
[00:54:30] It was them.
[00:54:31] Exactly.
[00:54:32] Yeah.
[00:54:32] So you don't have that guilt.
[00:54:33] What do you do to, to cope at times when maybe you, you, you know, you get this sense of
[00:54:39] grief coming over you?
[00:54:40] I do pray.
[00:54:41] Sometimes I go to Catholic mass.
[00:54:43] I was raised Catholic.
[00:54:44] My dad, he went to mass every single day.
[00:54:46] He knew there was issues with the Catholic church, but he thought that there was something
[00:54:49] in the prayer and meditation for him.
[00:54:51] It actually kept him sober.
[00:54:52] It kept him like on track.
[00:54:54] And I understand that part.
[00:54:56] I feel like, again, it's, it's some of these religions are complicated.
[00:54:59] And, you know, as a woman, there's not a lot of room for, um, Catholic women to feel
[00:55:03] powerful, you know, in the system or whatever.
[00:55:06] But I also feel like you can't always throw the baby out with a bathwater.
[00:55:08] If there's something in there that actually helps.
[00:55:11] And if it keeps my mind quiet, I listen to music.
[00:55:13] I try to like, just kind of get out in nature and watch some sunsets, like whatever it is
[00:55:18] that you can do that puts you in touch with like your, the best part of your life in the
[00:55:23] day, whether it's like just enjoying the light from the sunset or sunrise, like whatever
[00:55:28] that is, or simple thing.
[00:55:30] Yeah.
[00:55:31] You know, and, and, um, all that shit is free.
[00:55:34] It's free.
[00:55:35] You don't have to put yourself on a plane or at some resort, you know, cause that's sometimes
[00:55:40] makes things more complicated for me.
[00:55:43] Right.
[00:55:44] And being a public figure like you are, I know when my mom passed, I was on a red carpet
[00:55:49] and then Monique came to me and she started giving me the condolences.
[00:55:52] And then, you know, she could see I'm welling up and she's like, we're not going to do this
[00:55:55] now.
[00:55:56] And I'm thinking to myself, why did you do it?
[00:55:58] Yeah.
[00:56:00] Why did you run it up?
[00:56:02] You brought it up over here.
[00:56:04] So how do you deal publicly?
[00:56:07] Because people are well-meaning, they're well-meaningful.
[00:56:10] Yeah.
[00:56:10] But how do you deal with it?
[00:56:11] Especially being a, a, a public person.
[00:56:14] I feel like I, I'm very clear, particularly about my dad.
[00:56:17] I think if it was my mom, I would be more conflicted.
[00:56:19] And I will say maybe like a month before he died, I was at some party and there were a bunch
[00:56:23] of comedians and I was trying to be careful because of COVID.
[00:56:26] And I was like, sorry, I'm not like hugging or shaking.
[00:56:29] I was like trying to keep a little distance.
[00:56:30] And, and two comedians were like, Oh no, you're dead.
[00:56:34] Like, and my boyfriend was like, I want to fucking kill those guys.
[00:56:37] I was like, okay, these are not like the people.
[00:56:39] Like I, I obviously said too much to people because some people, you know, it's like the
[00:56:43] comic, you know, I don't have to tell you.
[00:56:45] Yeah.
[00:56:46] I made a lot of mistakes in the past being vulnerable, like whatever, or, or, or watching
[00:56:51] other people be vulnerable and other people overshare.
[00:56:53] I feel like I've let some other people make those mistakes for me.
[00:56:56] Cause I do feel like there's some people on IG that are like, I'm like, what are you
[00:57:00] cheering?
[00:57:01] This is.
[00:57:02] Yeah.
[00:57:02] There's a lot of TMI going on for sure.
[00:57:04] But even as a non-public person, I think we all struggle to be there for our friends
[00:57:09] when they're grieving.
[00:57:09] Like, what would you suggest to people who are trying to just be friends and trying to
[00:57:14] help you through the, but maybe it's less is more.
[00:57:16] I mean.
[00:57:17] It depends on, you know, I think just asking, you know.
[00:57:20] Yeah.
[00:57:20] Are you okay?
[00:57:21] Yeah.
[00:57:21] Yeah.
[00:57:21] You need help, you know?
[00:57:22] Yeah.
[00:57:24] I had friends that like a couple of friends that like flew out to the, to the funeral
[00:57:27] and I was like, Oh my God, they came out of LA and I was like, Oh my God.
[00:57:31] Like it was like so sweet.
[00:57:33] That means a lot.
[00:57:34] Yeah.
[00:57:34] It does.
[00:57:35] And, and one person actually, like the guy in our band that I play with, he actually
[00:57:38] played at, at the funeral, which was so, and then he played at the grave site.
[00:57:42] It was so sweet.
[00:57:43] Everybody's different.
[00:57:44] Every situation's different.
[00:57:45] But I think just asking and just like having this sensitivity that to understand that, like
[00:57:49] it takes a long time to grieve.
[00:57:51] I mean, I don't know if I'm ever going to grieve.
[00:57:53] Yeah.
[00:57:54] You probably won't.
[00:57:55] Yeah.
[00:57:55] And that's okay.
[00:57:56] And I think there is this like feeling like you got to get over it.
[00:58:00] You got to get over it.
[00:58:01] Cause I, I think like when my mom died, I had like a month before the office started
[00:58:04] again.
[00:58:05] And I remember like one of my bosses came in when I was in hair and makeup and said
[00:58:09] he was really sorry.
[00:58:10] And I was like, he was more uncomfortable than I was.
[00:58:12] I mean, but it was very, it is uncomfortable.
[00:58:15] Right.
[00:58:15] You know, sometimes people are like, they get it.
[00:58:17] They've been there, but you know, and obviously as you get older, you lose more people.
[00:58:22] So, you know.
[00:58:22] Yeah.
[00:58:23] I find that a lot of times too, dealing with grief, you get over the grief, but the people
[00:58:29] around you don't, and you have to become the, um, the, the comforter.
[00:58:35] Yeah.
[00:58:35] You can solve them.
[00:58:36] Yeah.
[00:58:37] You're making them feel better.
[00:58:38] Yeah.
[00:58:39] Sometimes like if somebody like, uh, if, if like, um, your loved one had a heart attack,
[00:58:43] like all of a sudden you hear every heart attack story.
[00:58:47] And I'm lucky my dad was a hundred.
[00:58:50] I don't hear a lot of hundreds.
[00:58:51] Right.
[00:58:52] Right.
[00:58:53] Thank you.
[00:58:54] Yeah.
[00:58:54] But yeah, there's a whole lot of, you know, and then of course all the cancer stories and
[00:58:57] I, and I, it's, I get it.
[00:58:59] Like they're triggered and they mean well, but sometimes I'm like, it's not about you.
[00:59:04] Well, that's the, that's the, the answer there.
[00:59:07] Cause I, I, listen, Lonnie knows it's always about me.
[00:59:09] So I have a really hard time with that, but I had a very close friend recently who lost
[00:59:13] consecutively her mother and her sister.
[00:59:16] And, you know, it's kind of, I was, I was, yeah, it was horrible.
[00:59:19] So I was reaching out to her and I, you know, I wouldn't hear back.
[00:59:22] I wouldn't hear back.
[00:59:22] So I'm like, okay.
[00:59:23] Then finally I just was like, you know what?
[00:59:25] I'm here when you need me.
[00:59:27] And I had to take that as like, that's my place right now.
[00:59:29] I can't force myself on her.
[00:59:31] I can't be like, you need to talk to me.
[00:59:33] What's going on?
[00:59:33] Cause that's about me.
[00:59:34] That's not about her.
[00:59:35] And now, you know, now the time has passed.
[00:59:37] We've like, we reunited recently, but the cue is read the room.
[00:59:41] And if they, they will let them know you're here when you need them and not forcing yourself
[00:59:45] on someone who's not ready to, you know, to talk about it.
[00:59:48] Absolutely.
[00:59:49] And I will say, I'm so lucky because I feel like I've been able to go home to my dad's
[00:59:53] place, you know, cause my sister lived with him.
[00:59:55] And, and really, really God, she navigated so many of the changes.
[01:00:00] She did such a great job.
[01:00:01] She's really, and a couple of us just like, they just came through in such a big way.
[01:00:04] But I, it was, but I feel like I've gotten to go home and that's actually helped me grieve
[01:00:08] too.
[01:00:09] Um, like I'll, I'll just kind of like drive in his old neighborhood.
[01:00:12] I'll go to this church.
[01:00:13] He used to go to every Monday.
[01:00:14] It helps me.
[01:00:15] Cause I'm like that.
[01:00:17] I'm not pretending like everything's fine.
[01:00:19] Cause it's not.
[01:00:20] And it's reminding me it's just taking care of myself.
[01:00:23] And, and I know it's a luxury because not everybody gets to fly to Philadelphia from LA
[01:00:27] every month.
[01:00:27] But you know, I, I, but I also feel like this is my, this is the form of my success.
[01:00:31] And I feel like, boy, when things need to happen, I can be there.
[01:00:34] And that, that really, really helps.
[01:00:37] Oh, wow.
[01:00:37] You know, I mean, this has just been a wonderful conversation because, you know, people deal
[01:00:44] with grief in so many different ways.
[01:00:47] And I mean, you being so open and honest, and I think if you can find someone out there,
[01:00:52] um, if you're dealing with grief that you can talk to, that really can help and help you
[01:00:57] deal with it.
[01:00:57] And just know that you have done nothing wrong.
[01:01:00] I mean, you know, that person's life is that person's life.
[01:01:04] I always tell people, just try to remember the good times.
[01:01:06] You know, grief really is, it's a version of the joy that you had for that person in
[01:01:13] your life.
[01:01:14] I mean, and that, so that to me, I mean, sometimes it's clear with, I mean, obviously the more
[01:01:18] difficult people in your life, it's harder to remember that.
[01:01:21] Right.
[01:01:21] Sometimes you grieve what you didn't have with them.
[01:01:24] That could have, you're like, see their pain.
[01:01:26] And you're like, oh my God, I'm so glad that they're out of pain.
[01:01:29] Um, but the people that, you know, kind of had a better time of it, you can just sort
[01:01:34] of remind yourself that it's, it's your love that you're, that you're really expressing
[01:01:40] through your grief.
[01:01:42] And so it, you want to keep loving them for, for, for, and you will keep loving them.
[01:01:47] That's the, yeah.
[01:01:48] That doesn't go away.
[01:01:50] Right.
[01:01:50] But, but if you just take, take a minute and honor it and don't feel like you're, there's
[01:01:54] something wrong with you or you're doing it wrong or you're messed up or, cause I know
[01:01:58] some people will get really sick in their soul when they go through, when someone dies, like
[01:02:02] they have a, they're just mad at everybody.
[01:02:05] Or I've seen a few, few people like that.
[01:02:08] And it sucks because I just feel like the person that you're, that's, that's gone would be so
[01:02:13] upset that this is where you're going with all this.
[01:02:16] I always say like, you know, if you getting outside help, like getting therapy or something
[01:02:21] like you're, if you're trying to teach yourself how to learn a different language or how to
[01:02:25] react differently, you might want to get someone to teach you.
[01:02:28] You're probably not going to teach that to yourself.
[01:02:30] I mean, it's like, kind of like we put so much pressure on ourselves to have things figured
[01:02:34] out.
[01:02:35] And, uh, you know, a little, a little outside help is really helpful.
[01:02:39] Also have to deal to don't let whatever personal, like things like the finances.
[01:02:46] It always expect, expect the unexpected when it comes to things like that.
[01:02:52] I think a lot of people, you know, like if they are, if they have family and if there's
[01:02:56] beneficiaries or if there's a wheel involved, if there's money involved, you know, and things
[01:03:01] maybe don't go their way, you know, all of a sudden now that is impacting their grief
[01:03:06] on that person.
[01:03:07] You have to learn how to navigate all of that.
[01:03:10] Yes.
[01:03:11] Yes.
[01:03:11] You know, when someone dies, don't.
[01:03:13] And it, cause I feel like some people, they want what they did.
[01:03:17] They didn't, they want some monetized thing that they didn't get with love from that.
[01:03:21] Like they didn't get love from that person.
[01:03:22] They didn't want stuff for money.
[01:03:24] And if that's where you are, you are, you're, I don't know if you're ever going to find
[01:03:28] peace.
[01:03:28] Cause that is really tough.
[01:03:30] That's a tough place to be.
[01:03:32] Yeah.
[01:03:32] So it's better to come from no money like me.
[01:03:36] Me too.
[01:03:37] You know, me too.
[01:03:41] Well, you know, this was such a, a serious topic, but I don't want to leave on like this
[01:03:48] like sad note because there is a way to get through grief.
[01:03:52] And one of those ways is by going to wonderful shows, especially during the holidays.
[01:03:57] And you have a swinging little Christmas tour with Jane Lynch.
[01:04:02] Can you tell me a little bit?
[01:04:03] Yes.
[01:04:05] Look at you guys.
[01:04:07] We're not iTunes too.
[01:04:09] Oh, wow.
[01:04:10] Tell us about what we can expect from the show.
[01:04:13] Well, the show is basically a comedy Christmas concert with a five piece jazz band, the Tony
[01:04:18] Grier quintet.
[01:04:19] They're hilarious and they're sweet and they're funny and the music is fun and it's Christmas,
[01:04:23] you know?
[01:04:24] I love it.
[01:04:25] So yeah, it's fun.
[01:04:26] And I always say like, we're like the Rat Pack, but with a couple of broads, you know,
[01:04:30] she's a little like Sue Sylvester and I'm a little like Meredith and I love it, but it's
[01:04:34] really fun.
[01:04:35] It's really fun.
[01:04:36] And again, like these, you know, it's great to have an experience together with your family
[01:04:39] at Christmas, like that isn't revolved around like just dinner or just judging other people
[01:04:44] that you see all the time, you know?
[01:04:46] Okay.
[01:04:47] Yeah.
[01:04:48] We're playing like, we're playing kind of all over the country.
[01:04:50] If you can look at my Instagram, the link is in my, uh, at, at the real Cape
[01:04:54] planner or go to Jane Lynch official to get tickets.
[01:04:56] But it's really fun.
[01:04:57] It's not a hostage situation.
[01:04:58] I promise.
[01:04:59] I love it.
[01:05:00] And we love you, Kate.
[01:05:01] Thank you so much for joining us today.
[01:05:04] It was amazing.
[01:05:05] Pleasure.
[01:05:05] And anytime you guys are awesome.
[01:05:07] Oh my God.
[01:05:07] Thank you so much for having me.
[01:05:09] Thanks for sharing your story.
[01:05:10] Seriously.
[01:05:11] It was wonderful.
[01:05:11] For our listeners.
[01:05:13] For our listeners.
[01:05:13] Be sure to check out a swinging little Christmas tour from November the 30th through December
[01:05:17] 17th.
[01:05:18] Tickets can be purchased at JaneLynchOfficial.com.
[01:05:22] We'll come back.
[01:05:23] We're going to get into takeaway with me, Lonnie.
[01:05:25] This is grown ass women talking.
[01:05:34] Welcome back.
[01:05:34] Now it's time for Lonnie's takeaway.
[01:05:37] I sound so exasperated.
[01:05:39] Because you just yelled at me.
[01:05:41] I don't enjoy that.
[01:05:47] He's just under a time crunch.
[01:05:50] Is he?
[01:05:51] What's he got to do?
[01:05:52] Okay.
[01:05:52] He got to talk about it.
[01:05:53] Come on.
[01:05:54] Okay.
[01:05:55] Lonnie, it's time for your takeaway.
[01:05:57] What did we learn today?
[01:05:58] Okay.
[01:06:00] Wasn't Kate Flannery the epitome of class and style?
[01:06:05] Amazing.
[01:06:06] Dealing with the grief of the loss of her father, who was 100 years old.
[01:06:12] And what I loved about it is that she says everybody's story is different.
[01:06:17] And maybe you had a difficult time with dealing with grief.
[01:06:22] Maybe you had a difficult time with that person.
[01:06:24] But it's not your fault.
[01:06:26] And you can't feel guilty about certain things that happen.
[01:06:31] The only thing that you can do is look out for yourself and move on.
[01:06:35] And I think that's just so important.
[01:06:37] I know a lot of people that have had, you know, lost, like my cousin lost her son.
[01:06:46] And she still has not been able to get over it no matter what.
[01:06:52] And so understand that that person, just because that person has gone out of your life, they're not, they're always going to be there.
[01:07:00] But I'm sure the person, whether they hated you or they loved you, they don't want you just to stay in a certain way.
[01:07:09] So do your best to take care of yourself with self-care.
[01:07:14] Do your best to find a way out of the darkness and just find the goodness of that person and that memory of that person.
[01:07:23] And you'll be okay.
[01:07:24] You know, any final words, Erica?
[01:07:26] Yeah, no, I agree with all of that.
[01:07:28] I just think the one other thing I would add is that, you know, it's lovely that she got to kind of leave it all on the table with her dad.
[01:07:35] And not everybody has that opportunity.
[01:07:37] So, you know, with the foresight, which we don't always get, you know, try to make every moment count, you know.
[01:07:43] And so hopefully, even though it will always be hard when you lose someone you love, maybe, you know, knowing that you said everything you wanted to say,
[01:07:51] could maybe make the, you know, cushion the blow a little bit.
[01:07:54] Yeah, definitely.
[01:07:55] It's always a work in progress.
[01:07:57] Yes, we all are.
[01:07:58] Thank you.
[01:07:59] We needed that.
[01:08:00] We needed that episode.
[01:08:01] Yes, we did.
[01:08:02] And we need Kate in our life every day.
[01:08:04] What a person.
[01:08:04] All the time.
[01:08:05] She's such a cutie pie.
[01:08:07] She's a joy.
[01:08:08] Love her.
[01:08:08] And thank you all for joining us for another episode of Grown Ass Women Talking.
[01:08:12] Please follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
[01:08:16] Leave us a five-star rating, please.
[01:08:18] And don't forget to follow us on Instagram.
[01:08:20] We make wonderful Instagram posts about all kind of grown-ass women, and it's fun, and it's funny, and Erica's always doing some jokes.
[01:08:30] I'm attempting jokes.
[01:08:31] Follow us on Instagram or follow us on YouTube at G-A-W-T pod.
[01:08:37] And thanks again to Kate Flannery for joining us.
[01:08:40] Check out a swinging little Christmas tour from November the 30th through December 17th.
[01:08:45] Tickets can be purchased at Janelynchofficial.com.
[01:08:50] Come see me perform.
[01:08:51] Stand up.
[01:08:52] I will be everywhere.
[01:08:53] But Pasadena, California, every Thursday at the Ice House.
[01:08:57] We're having the holiday show.
[01:08:59] And my birthday.
[01:09:00] I'm coming to see you on the 5th.
[01:09:01] Her birth.
[01:09:03] Lord.
[01:09:03] Check out the show notes at LaniLove.com.
[01:09:08] Oh, it's my turn.
[01:09:10] I don't have my script.
[01:09:12] Bye.
[01:09:13] You will.
[01:09:13] Love to everyone.
[01:09:16] What am I going to do with her, America?
[01:09:19] Grown Ass Women Talking is a collaboration between True Love Productions, Dunnigan Lane Productions, and Hark Media Productions.
[01:09:25] Our executive producers are Lonnie Love, Erica Montolfo, and Siege Pokehorn.
[01:09:32] This episode was produced by Siege Pokehorn and edited by Nicholas Crawford.
[01:09:37] Our music is by Cole Curtis.
[01:09:39] Special thanks to Elizabeth Munch.
[01:09:41] Thank you.
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